Teens: ''I'm Sick of Taking Meds!''

If you have a child or teen who is taking medication, you have probably run into the "I don't wanna take 'em" more than once! Here are some ideas that might help. I would also advocate for a bunch of Plan B... "I've noticed that taking medication has gotten harder lately. What's up?"

ADHD Teens: ''I'm Sick of Taking Meds!'':

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Kids who cook are hungrier for healthy food choices

Concerns about nutrition?

Kids who cook are hungrier for healthy food choices

The one secret to being a great father...

And a great way to create emotional engagement? Empathy! The beginning ingredient of Plan B! Happy -albeit late- Father's Day!

The one secret to being a great father: emotional engagement - Daily Dose: A Boston Globe blog with health news, advice, and information.:



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Be the Calm in the Storm – 2 Minute Tips for Parenting Teens

Good segment on weathering the more stormy moments of the parent-child relationship! Well worth the two minutes!

http://www.parentingteensinfo.com/2012/05/18/be-the-calm-in-the-storm-2-minute-tips-for-parenting-teens/

A Moment of Plan B

A Moment of Plan B

Background: This girl, about 10 years old, had a meltdown the week prior when pulled out of a class at school for a therapy appointment. She usually enjoys being pulled and uses the therapy time well. She does have trouble with expressing herself when upset, usually loses her ability to communicate in words, shuts down with her head on her desk, and often tosses her notebook or tips her desk over, necessitating a room clear. That is what happened last week when her therapist came to pull her: her head hit the desk, the binder flew, the class left, and the principal was called. Below is something pretty close to a Plan B conversation with the student a few days later.

Empathy:

Therapist: You remember last week when I came to pull you? That seemed really hard, what was up?

Kid: I really like that class.

Therapist: You really like that class?

Kid: Yeah, we do cool stuff in there. I don't like to miss it.

Therapist: So the deal was you just didn't want to miss that class?

Kid: Yeah.

Therapist: Hmmmm. That's it?

Kid: Yup.

Define the Problem: 

Therapist: O.K. So you really like that class and my concern is that I need to do my job by meeting with you and I want you to stay safe.

Invitation:

Do you have any ideas about how we could work this out?

Kid: Well, you could get me during math. Except you should check 'cause sometimes we do some experiemnts in there that I don't want to miss.

Therapist: O.K. So, you'd like me to pull you during math and to check first to see if there is anything really impiortant going on that you don't want to miss?

Kid: Yeah.

Therapist: Well, that time, math, would work for me. The only problem I see is that if the time did not work for you, if you decided against going with me at that time, I might not be able to reschedule you for later in the day or later in the week. What if we were not able to reschedule for the week? Do you think that would be OK with you?

Kid: I guess, yeah.

Therapist: OK, lets give that a try next week. We can check back in and see how it's working.


Content note: References to families, teens, or kids are composites with changed details for illustration and do not represent any one child or family. 

Plan A: Tables Turned

I carried a screaming almost-four-year-old to bed last night.

That is certainly one advantage to having a child of almost-four: portability. I can pick my child up, kicking and screaming, and physically move him. I can, ultimately, make things happen by imposing my will. Hopefully, some cognitive development will happen over the next few years and I won't be faced with a screaming and kicking fourteen-year-old!

I recently spoke with a family in crisis who have a 14 year old boy. There were serious problems at bedtime. There was screaming (teen and adult). There was kicking (teen). There was a hole in a wall. And, well, a 14 year-old who was about as big as his parents. Nobody was picking him up, carrying him kicking and screaming down the hall, and putting him in bed! Not gonna happen.

This young man had always struggled with some behavior issues and had really started laying down the law in his home lately: It was "his way or the highway." Sound familiar? Plan A.

There was a long history of school difficulties and behavior problems which thinly masked a number of lagging thinking skills. Additionally, the parents were experiencing some undesirable side-effects of fourteen years of Plan A. The unintended learning that can go along with Plan A can be that “might makes right,” it is acceptable to use power, force, intimidation, or aggression to get your way, blindly obey those in authority, or don't bother expressing your concerns because adults don't listen. These are not values parents say they want for their children. This becomes especially true when parents are faced with an angry, intimidating, out-of-control teenager!

What now? (A little CPS)

Rebuilding some sort of relationship with this particular teenager will be a long and grueling proposition requiring change, patience, and dedication. But that's the definition of being a parent, isn't it?

Change can start with assessing the child or teen's lagging thinking skills: what thinking skills are needed to function in his/her daily life? Difficult behavior will be found at times the environment is requiring a skill which the child does not have. The initial focus on lagging thinking skills allows adults to see their child in a new light: It allows adults to see the child in the light of “ Kids do well if they can.” Again, if you don't have the skills, you are not going to do it. No matter how hard you try. The “kids do well if they can” lens also moves parents from the position of “enforcer of rules” to “teacher of skills.” Some items can be dealt with using Plan C; removing the expectation “for now” while other issues are dealt with.

The big intervention in CPS will be Plan B. Essentially, Plan B involves a semi-structured conversation with the child in which the parent uses empathy to find out what the child's concern is, defines the problem, and then invites the child to brainstorm solutions. (Sounds easy without all the detail...there is a lot more...)

For more a more detailed abbreviation of CPS, please see The 533 of CPS.

Back to my house...

I have a few years before 14, thankfully. My boy and I will have to talk a little Plan B talk. More on this later!

Content note: References to families, teens, or kids are composites with changed details for illustration and do not represent any one child or family. 

Inside The Teenage Brain | Parade.com

For those of you who have kids in, or about to enter, the wilderness of adolescence, this is a good article! As you read, think about Collaborative Problem Solving and that underlying philosophy, "kids do well if they can." The article ticks off the brain changes associated with this difficult developmental stage and points out how these changes impact executive functioning, emotional regulation, and social skills. It also has some nice "Stay Sane Strategies" at the end of the article which mention empathy and having the teen come up with the solution! (I would, of course, recommend lots of strong Plan B work!!!)

Inside The Teenage Brain | Parade.com